It's Alright, No One Did
by hyrew
Summary: There seriously isn't enough Niff!Angst so I thought I should write a little something up. Oneshot. Self-harm. Abuse. Rated M just in case...I really suck at summaries, sorry.
1. Don't Lie to Me

_ He doesn't care about me. _The blond thought as he pulled the blade up to his pale skin. He hesitated for a moment when his arm met the cool blade of the exacto knife he was holding. A moment later he pressed down and quickly drug the metal across his forearm, sighing softly in the process. He repeated the process a couple more times until he finally decided he was finished and carefully put the metal on the knightstand beside him. He remained calm the entire time. He had hurt himself for such a long time that this was all just second nature. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just a normal activity in his everyday life. He glanced at his arm for a quick moment before hanging his head in shame. _He wants me gone. He said he wished I was dead…_He casually glanced to his knightstand where he put his weapon down. _I could end it all __right__ now…It'd be that easy…_He was knocked out of his thoughts when he felt a cold liquid drip down his arm, sending a small shiver down his spine.

"Shit." Jeff said to himself as looked down at his arm. There was blood dripping out of the thirteen or so cuts he had just created a few moments ago. He got up from his bed and walked over to his bathroom to retrieve a towel. When he walked back into his bedroom he frowned. _Seriously? _There were a few drops of blood on his carpet, some slightly crusted and had obviously been there longer than others. Jeff bent down and did his best to clean up the fresh blood. _I always manage to get blood everywhere. _Jeff laughed darkly to himself. _I always was a pretty messy dude I guess…_

There was a sudden sound on Jeff's bed and he visibly stiffened. He regained his composure a moment later when he realized it was merely his phone. He got up from his knees and grabbed his phone.

"Hey, what's up Nicky?" Jeff said in his happy, 'everything is just hunky-dory', tone.

"Hey Jeff…where are you?"

"…My house?"

"You forgot." Nick said matter-o-factly.

Jeff frowned. "Forgot? Forgot about wha-Oh shit! Nicky, I'm sorry!" He had completley forgotten that he had made plans to stay the night at Nicks.

Nick sighed. "It's alright. You forget everything!" Nick said laughing. "I'm leaving in five to get you."

"I'll be outside."

"Great."

"Bye Nicky."

"Bye." Nick said before Jeff heard a click sound.

Jeff sighed loudly as he plopped down on his bed. He felt bad for forgetting about his plans. The two had made plans to hang out every day of their summer vacation and neither had seen each other since school let out last month. Nick always invited him over or tried to make plans but Jeff always got out of them because he was 'busy' or 'wasn't feeling well'. Truth was, he was avoiding his boyfriend. Especially after last summer when Nick started getting suspicious as to why Jeff was always wearing hoodies. The 'I'm always cold' excuse was obviously a lie and Jeff knew Nick was smart enough to know it was.

Jeff sighed heavily as he got up from his bed and began to pack, or more put random things in, his bag. He loved spending time with Nick. After all, they were best friends. Inseparable since second grade when Jeff skinned his knee playing tag and Nick ran over to make sure he was alright. Jeff almost felt bad for keeping secrects from Nick. But he knew that Nick would never understand, so he never told him. Jeff had walls, and they were there for a reason.

Jeff was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard a honk from outside. He glanced out his window to see Nick waiting in his car. Jeff mentally put up every mask he had then quickly put on a hoodie and grabbed his bag before running out of his house to meet with Nick.

"Hey Nicky!" Jeff said smiling.

"What's up Jeffy? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

Jeff chuckled lightly. "I know man! Sorry about that, I've just been so bust lately. It's been way too long!"

"Right!" Nick replied before pulling out of Jeff's driveway.

The two continued with their small talk until they walked into Nick's room. Jeff threw his bag on the floor and plopped down on Nick's bed yawning.

Nick laughed. "Tired?"

"Just a little."

"It's three in the afternoon Jeff." Nick said as he sat down on his bed beside his best friend. The brunette frowned, adding worry lines to his face. "Are you not sleeping well or something?"

Jeff looked at Nick and flashed him one of his signature goofy grins. "Ha, yesterday I found my old Nintendo and I was playing The Legend of Zelda until five in the morning. The only reason I quit was because I got stuck on the water temple." Jeff lied. He spent the entire night hiding in his closet. His step-father returned home around midnight drunk and angry, as usual. He spent ten hours curled up in a ball terrified that the drunk would come back in and hurt him. It had been that way for roughly five years now. It's why Jeff hated himself. Why he cut himself. Why he had so many walls. So many masks.

_ flashback_

A loud slam shook the house as Jeff awoke from his sleep. He was only confused for a moment before he knew what was going on. His step father was returning home and was drunk, as usual. He leapt from his bed and ran to his closet, shutting the door behind him frantically.

He silently prayed that the drunk man would just go to bed but he mentally cursed when he heard his bedroom door practically be torn open. He saw light enter his room from the cracks of his closet door. Jeff froze and he heard footsteps near his bed. Then he heard nothing. _Maybe he gave up and left._

Wrong.

Jeff strained his eyes to focus on the sudden light that enveloped his closet. His step father grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him up quickly.

"W-what da fuq are youu doinn in there?" He slurred. Jeff gagged a little when he smelled the whisky on the mans breath. Jeff didn't answer. The man became angry and punched Jeff in the chest. Hard. Jeff huffed loudly and crumpled in his step fathers hands. All of the air had been knocked out of him, literally. He was trying to catch his breath when the larger man punched him again. This time in the face. Jeff could feel the blood dripping down his nose. _It's going to be better tomorrow. _Jeff thought over and over again while his step father beat him mersilessly. The man seemed to hit him harder the more Jeff yelled. As if he was enjoying hearing the yelps the blond made. He beat Jeff to the ground until Jeff was numb with pain. He couldn't even feel the older, much larger, man kick him in the ribs. He was numb. He was just a hollow shell of what was once a person.

The man continued to punch and kick Jeff until he finally got tired and gave up. He threw Jeff onto the ground and spat on his face. "I never wanted youu, I-I just w-wanted yer mom. Yer scum, youu know that? Why don't you juust kill yerself? Do me and yer mom a-a favourr. We both wish you were dead anyhow." He said, kicking Jeff once more before stumbling out of his room.

_ end flashback_

For a short moment Nick noticed something different about the look in Jeff's eyes. But, surely enough, it faded away just as quickly as it showed up.

Nick stared at Jeff's face for what seemed to Jeff for an eternity. He was concentrating on his face. Watching every muscle twitch as Jeff spoke, finished his sentence, and awkwardly looked around the room trying to avoid some very awkward eye contact with his best friend.

Jeff mentally began to panic. _He knows I'm lying. _He put another wall up. Nick was still staring at him. Another mask was put on. _No, he can't tell. _"Umm…" Jeff finally spoke, obviously trying to mess up Nick's concentration. It worked. Jeff took note and continued. "You okay there?" He asked, pretending to be worried. He was turning the 'worried friend' thing around on Nick.

"Yeah…are you? You seem…I don't know, off I guess."

Jeff responded with a fake confused face before brightly smiling at Nick. "I'm fine, Nicky. I already told you, I'm just tired." _There's no way he knows. No one knows. No one even cares. _

Nick frowned and decided to drop the matter for the time being. "Alright…So, what do you want to do?" Nick said as he switched from a sitting position to now laying beside Jeff.

Jeff turned slightly to face him. "Sleep?" He said laughing, a giant goofy smile plastered on his face the entire time.

Nick laughed and hit Jeff with his pillow. "No! It's the middle of the afternoon! They'll be plenty of time to sleep during the night!"

Jeff took the pillow that Nick threw and placed it under his head along with the other one he already had. "But I'm so comfortable!" Jeff whined while pouting.

Nick laughed and moved over closer to Jeff. "You took my pillow." He whined.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Jeff smirked.

"This." Nick replied as he got on top of Jeff and kissed him.

When their lips broke apart a few moments later Jeff smiled. "We haven't done that in a while."

Nick smiled back, a little more sheepishly than Jeff. "Because you've been so bust latley…I've missed my boyfriend."

"Well what a coincidence, I've missed my boyfriend too." Jeff said.

Nick laughed softly and kissed Jeff again. Soon the kissing began to intensify the two began making out. Nick took his hand off from Jeff's waist and moved it to unzip the hoodie Jeff was wearing. Jeff immediately stopped kissing Nick when he felt a tug on his hoodie. He quickly swatted the other's hand away and tried to shuffle away from Nick. Nick moved off of Jeff and worry lines took over his face.

"No." Jeff said, sitting up on the bed.

"I'm sorry Jeff." Nick said as he tried to pull his boyfriend into a hug from behind. Jeff moved away as soon as he felt Nick's touch. Nick's frown deepened. "Jeff…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have tried to do anything else than kiss."

Jeff frowned. He felt horrible making his boyfriend worry. Every time things began to go further than kissing he shut down. "…It's not you…" He said, still not facing his boyfriend. It was true, his problems with sex had nothing to do with Nick. It was _him_. It was _his _scars. He didn't want Nick to find out. No, he _couldn't_ have Nick find out. _He can't find out…He just can't! _Jeff thought nervously. _What kind of person would love me if they saw me like that…saw me for what I really am. _"…I-I'm sorry."

"Jeff." Nick said as he got up and hugged Jeff. This time Jeff let him touch him. "It's alright. We can wait until you're ready, it's fine." He kissed Jeff's forehead lightly and pulled Jeff closer, into a tighter hug. Jeff's eyes widened suddenly and began to pull away. "We can wai-what the hell?" Nick said as he felt something wet touch his skin. He turned white as he looked down at saw red splotches all over his shirt. He shot Jeff a confused look only to find Jeff paler than usual and terrified. He then noticed Jeff's sleeve. It was covered with red splotches. Jeff was paralyzed with fear.

Without even thinking Nick carefully pulled up Jeff's bloody sleve and nearly threw up at what he saw. The blond had cuts over his entire arm, bout ten of them were bleeding. Not bad enough to need stitches but bad enough to seep through Jeff's, and Nick's, clothes. Nick carefully studied the arm. It was obvious that some scars were months, maybe even years old. Nick didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he _could _say. He looked in Jeff's eyes to see them sharing terrified expressions.

Jeff's mouth felt dry suddenly. He opened his mouth to say something but no words could come out. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't even run away. The two stood in silence for what seemed to be a life time.

Finally Nick spoke. "W-what happened?" He knew the answer. He knew what had happened to Jeff's arm. He just didn't want to believe it.

"Truth is, my cat cut me up the other day when I was playing with her." Jeff said, suddenly changing from the terrified boy to his usual chipper self in a flash.

"Don't fucking lie to me Jeff!" Nick yelled way louder, and angrier than he meant it to come out. He calmed himself. "That's fucking bull and you know it Jeff." He said so softly that Jeff almost couldn't hear him.

"I-I'm sorry." Jeff said as he started to shake. Nick pulled him in his arms, ignoring the blood seeping onto him as he held his boyfriend, and tried his best to calm Jeff.

After twenty minutes of silent rocking Nick finally said something. "I should have noticed. There were so many signs that were right in front of me. I should have noticed."

Jeff pulled away so he could look at Nick. "No."

Nick began to tear up. "I'm your fucking boyfriend Jeff! We've been together three years and not only that but we've been best friends for eight! We shared a room together at Dalton! I should have fucking noticed!" By the end Nick was yelling as tears poured down his face.

The next five words Jeff said so nonchalantly, so stoically, that it gave Nick chills. "It's alright, no one did."

(A.N:/ It is really hard to write for a drunk person, so sorry if I didn't write it well. I tend to stay away from drunk people because I find them obnoxious…Ha. Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed the story! Oh, and sorry the one romantic little tidbit wasn't very romantic…I really suck at writing nice couply things…so yeah, I hope you guys liked it! This story was kind of based on another Niff oneshot I wrote (He'll Never Know). "It's Alright, No One Did" was actually the original title for that one…so yeah. XOXO)


	2. Self Reflection

(A.N:/ Okay, so this was originally only going to be a oneshot but I was asked a couple of times to add on to it so I figured I'd write a little more. It isn't much more and I don't think I'll end up adding anymore to this one, but, I hope you all enjoy!)

The two were silent for what seemed to be forever until Nick finally spoke up again. "No."

"No?" Jeff asked confused.

"No. It isn't alright." Nick said as he went into his bathroom to get a towel. "I should have noticed. I've known you eight years Jeff! I should have realized something was wrong when you never wanted to go to the pool, or when you wore long sleeves during the summer. I love you and I should have noticed that you were hurting so badly." Nick said as he pressed the towel to Jeff's skin trying to stop the bleeding.

"Y-you…love me?" Jeff said astonished. It was the first time either of the two said the three words. How could anyone love me? Especially someone as perfect as Nick?

"Y-yeah. Of course I love you, you idiot." Nick replied while moving the towel to see if the cuts had quit bleeding.

"I love you too." Jeff said smiling slightly. Nick leaned close to Jeff and kissed him.

"If you really love me you'll stop this…you'll stop hurting yourself."

Jeff's eyes dulled at Nick's words. "I-I can't…I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong like you."

Nick's heart sank as Jeff spoke. "Jeff," Nick said, cupping Jeff's face with his free hand, making sure to look in the blond's eyes. "Yes you are. You don't understand just how amazing…just how perfect you are. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. Then you'd know."

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah." Nick said reassuring his love.

"I-I don't know…"

"That's because you aren't seeing what I see." Nick chuckled lightly as he pulled Jeff to the full length mirror in his bedroom. "Look at yourself."

Jeff did. He frowned at what he saw. He was hideous. His skin was frighteningly pale, he had dark circles under his puffy red eyes from no sleep and crying so much. His shirt had blood drenched on it and when his eyes came upon the many, many scars on his arms he physically shook. He didn't see what Nick saw. He didn't see what Nick could see. He was worthless, disgusting, and hideous.

Nick took note of his shaking and frowned. "What…what exactly do you see Jeff?" He knew the answer would be heartbreaking but he needed to know.

"I see…me."

Nick frowned. "What about you? What do you see in your own reflection?"

"I-I see…this…disgusting freak who should just be wiped off the face of the Earth…"

Nick was right, his heart did break at Jeff's words. "You…couldn't be more wrong." Nick said matter-o-factly.

"What?"

"How can you see some gross freak? All I see is this beautiful boy who has a smile so infectious that when people see it they can't help but smile along with him. A boy with hair so beautiful and golden that it outmatches the sun in radiance. A boy who who will put aside anything and everything to help out a friend. A boy with eyes that you could get lost in for days. A boy who knows all the best jokes. A boy who loves me. And a boy who I love. So please, don't insult the love of my life, okay?"

Jeff smiled at Nick and kissed him. "Thank you." He whispered.

"So," Nick began, "Do you believe me now?"

Jeff sighed. "I believe…that that's what you see…And I'd love to wear your rose coloured glasses…but I'm just…"

"Perfect?" Nick suggested.

"No. Me."

"Same thing."

Jeff laughed lightly. "I really do love you."

"I know. I love you two." Nick said giving Jeff a light kiss on the cheek before moving the towel once more to check on the bleeding wounds. They had quit bleeding.

"I-I'm sorry about your clothes Nick." Jeff said, ashamed.

"Don't be." The two remained silent for some time. "Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"How long…" Nick closed his mouth for a moment before speaking again. "How long have you been doing this?"

"…The summer after my tenth birthday." Jeff said dully. Nick's body tensed up. "Don't be mad at yourself…I hid it well."

"Too well." Nick said sadly. "Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"That you'll never hurt yourself again."

"Nick…"

"And that you'll get help."

"Nick, I-I…Don't ever leave me?"

Nick pulled Jeff tighter into his arms, hugging him so tightly as if he was trying to merge their bodies together. "Wouldn't ever think of it." Nick said kissing Jeff on the top of his head.

Jeff made a soft noise before saying. "Good."


End file.
